Monday, 20 January 2014

Moment's that Mattered.

2013 was a year to remember, and bare with me on this because im going to be brutally honest about it. This is real life people! ;)
So, it has been only recently, maybe a year or so ago, (in 2013 how awesome yay..) I developed really bad anxiety. And yeah, its really as bad as people make it out to be, x10. Shaking when im in public situations, sweaty palms, clumsiness(which is the worst), over thinking every detail, crying too often, panic attacks, loss of love for things i adored before or just being out of touch, just general mental pain and struggle. Which meant for the most part I stayed inside and didn't really talk to anyone or I also feel that depression and anxiety sometimes come hand in hand, and because it all flooded over me at once, i knew this was the case. And because it was only recent, nobody around me knows how to help me, it was as much of a shock to them as it is to me. My family didn't even know what was going on with me i hid it that much. So I feel like I am struggling very much by my self and I think it is only getting worse. It made me question myself because I wasn't like this before, why am I like this now? I know this was supposed to be about things that were ultimately happy in 2013 but because it took up such a huge portion of last year i had to include it otherwise it wouldn't be a true reflection of 2013. To try and describe it to someone would be someone elses invisible hand holding back and talking in my head disagreeing with me and it has slowly changed me very much. I may not have done much in terms of fun things and trips but it is all because of anxiety. I have so many things planned but i really am trying to focus on over coming it and doing what i love. It is a very real thing and its lead me to talk about how happy the internet makes me. It can seriously bring me out of the darkest place, its amazing. YouTube has literally kept me company for my loneliest times, and there have been many. I subscribed to Roosterteeth and the Achievement Hunter fella's over on 'Lets Play' a few years back and they have never failed to make me roll laughing.
(For reference the best people on the internet are pictured below.)

I wish i could say 2013 was all 'rainbows and smiles' for the most part but i would be lying haha, but that's just life. From January it just went downhill, one thing after another, and I never seemed to have a peak moment and here we are. I just wanted to be as honest as i could. On a side note having so much of a bad time last year made it easier for me to see the awesome things that came out of last year, like doing a year at college doing something i never thought i could do (Performing Arts, i have never danced on stage in my life, and i never plan to again haha!). . Also my Uncle came over from Canada who i haven't seen in years and it was very emotional to say the least, but it was a happy few day's and im so glad he did. I hope to see him again very soon. I know what i want to achieve in 2014, and 2013 made it clearer to prioritize and to not let foul, evil anxiety get in my way, however hard.

 

Me and my uncle. I got ice cream all over my face just before this picture was taken, other wise i'd make it bigger, you feel me? ;) 

(Random Selfies from over the years on my blog)
My blog (my baby), has given me something amazing to focus on and i genuinely do enjoy every single part of it. It makes me soo happy it's unreal and my blog is still growing in my eyes and I'm all good with that otherwise, if its already perfect there is no journey, no? Some deep stuff but it is all too real folks. All these learning curves in 2013 will ultimately make me who I am so i will thank last year for how tough it was, because if it didn't happen how will i know how tough I am? Last year was definitely a year for family and friends. Whether that meant talking to family members over sea's for the first time (there was a lot of that), or getting more in contact and making plans with them, which is so amazing.
 Alrighty, that was my year in a nutshell. What kind of year was 2013 for you?



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1 comment:

  1. I hope 2014 will bring you a lot more happiness hun! You've got a lovely blog and you're doing a fantastic job :)
    http://www.shemightbeloved.com/ xx

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